Eight More Disjointed Thoughts
I.
I'm fascinated by the Rachel Dolezal story - a lot of people are saying the story has come out now to distract the public from the McKinney pool part incident, and it probably is honestly, but I am just so curious as to the way her mind works. I want to know what spurs someone to fabricate a whole life, fake a son, fake a father, fake hate mail, fake an appearance...having a strong sympathy for or empathy with the black struggle is one thing, but I think her whole web of lies (implying, of course, that all the allegations are true) is so perverse and crazy and inadvertently disrespecting the culture she so much wants to be a part of.
II.
People have been throwing around the term "transracial" to describe Ms. Dolezal and others that may be like her. Firstly transracial is already a word, so using it to describe someone born one race and identifying as another is incorrect. Secondly, I find that whole concept pretty racist and a little diminishing of the transgender struggle. The idea that one can "feel" black on a non-cultural level makes no sense to me and on a cultural level there are huge numbers of people of all races that identify strongly with various black cultures.
Ethnicity is inherited, gender is not.
Ethnicity only affects who you are as a person if a) there is a culture, stigma or something related to that ethnicity and b) you're exposed to that culture, stigma, or something.
Being transgender vs. being a man that identifies, empathizes, and enjoys being around women are very different concepts.
(I might be a huge bigot, and in 30 years this may end up being a completely common concept. For now though, I can't understand it at all.)
III.
Although I'm getting more and more used to being single, I'm also beginning to miss certain aspects of being in a relationship right now - a lot.
I suppose I can just try and put it out of my head, but it's difficult, difficult and dangerous.
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IV.
I have a lot of shit to do that I feel like I'm putting off.
I can't tell whether I'm putting things off or giving myself a break though because I've recently been quite productive. These are the kinds of things my anxiety wrestles with, causing me to be stuck in the middle and do nothing.
V.
I haven't called IAPT yet. I know I have to, but I am finding it difficult to bring myself to do it.
VI.
This whole post is me forcing myself to keep this blogging habit, honestly. I'm going to make it my uninspired series, for when I can't think of what to write. It's a good way of helping me to unload what I'm thinking rather than my normal habit of bottling it up.
VII.
As pro natural hair as I am, I still don't feel totally comfortable with my afro hair. I think part of the reason I like having braids in so much is because I can hide behind them in a way. With an afro, my hair is up and out and my face is entirely too visible for my liking. I'm holding onto that last vestige of my emo self, I suppose?
VIII.
The older I get, the less and less I know what I want to do with my life, and people always say there is plenty of time but I still feel like that time is running out. It's daunting, and I think it weighs me down pretty substantially.
(In fact I know it is, because I feel lighter for writing it down.)
