There is something to be said for just riding the waves of your emotions for a while. Not trying to escape or distract or soothe yourself, but just feeling what it is that demands to be felt in you right now.
In the past few weeks since I last updated the blog a lot of things have happened. Murder, hate crimes, major political shifts and tireless debates. Lots of life-changing and world-shifting events.
I'm not going to talk about my political leanings to avoid debate (although it's probably fairly obvious) but, needless to say, I've not been very happy these past few weeks. I have been sad, afraid, confused, and angry, and overwhelmed, and while it would be a good idea to meditate and adjust my thinking towards a positive I haven't always done that, actually.
I have been vocal, compassionate, weepy, loud, sweary, unabashed and vehement in my beliefs. I have cried real tears and punched real walls and laughed bitterly at satire so on the nose it maybe aches a little bit to read. The thing I have to manage, however, is the difference between allowing myself to feel and becoming overwhelmed by those feelings.
It must have been a day or two after the shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, and I could barely get out of bed for the weight of my sadness. I had been burying myself in first-hand accounts, information, think pieces, hearing the names over and over again until it became some form of self-punishment. It was working my anxious brain, thinking about the thing over and over because I feel like eventually I'll figure out a way to help, or because I think if I'm not constantly feeling sad I'll forget.
Maybe Facebook wasn't the most appropriate place to funnel all my emotions into, but hey, we're all human.
However you do let your feelings out though, activity is what should be at the forefront of your mind. I'm not just complaining to complain, I'm making the weight on my chest lighter to enable me to be more active. Don't let that be the only action you take towards feeling better.
But do let it out. It feels good, believe me.